From Trauma to Pleasure: Mindfulness, Cannabis, & Sex
When is the last time you really gave yourself permission to experience pleasure? When is the last time you pencilled play into your schedule? For many trauma survivors, the answer is never.
The average person pushes pleasure to the bottom of the list, saved for whatever time we have left over after our capitalist responsibilities. Yet, one of the easiest and most effective ways to integrate it into your daily life is through something we are all familiar with—sex.
In this article, we’ll look at the importance of pleasure for wellbeing, as well as mindfulness with sex and healing trauma with cannabis. We’ll also explore how trauma impacts our ability to experience pleasure and how plant medicines such as cannabis can guide us.
Let’s start by looking at how pleasure impacts our wellbeing and mental health.
How pleasure relates to wellbeing & mental health
“I don’t have time for pleasure.”
“I’m too busy to even think of sex.”
These are the most common responses we hear or which we tell ourselves about how pleasure is valued in our life. We think of it as “indulgent”. We brush it off until we’ve checked off all the boxes on our to-do list for the next two months. This is largely because we have not been taught about the immense benefits of pleasure. Even worse, we have been made to think of it as “unproductive.”
Pleasure is our birthright. Pleasure is productive.
A study done by the University of Zurich found that prioritizing pleasure positively impacts wellbeing. This is largely because practicing it is a form of embodiment, or something that forces us to be present in our bodies.
And being fully in our body is one of the most powerful ways we can practice being in the present moment. So, when you think about it, practicing pleasure through practices such as sex is a form of mindfulness.
This probably questions a lot of what you imagine mindfulness to be (i.e. a Buddha-like figure sitting in silence for hours). Yet just like meditation and other mindfulness practices, pleasure can and should be part of our mental health toolkit.
Pleasure as an embodiment practice for mental health
You might be wondering, “Why is everyone so caught up with mindfulness?” Well, one of the most common ways to exhaust yourself mentally is to live in the past or be constantly thinking about the future. This is a subconscious survival tactic, especially popular among those of us that have experienced trauma. As a result, we neglect the present needs of both our body and mind.
Mindfulness with sex heal the body, mind, and spirit
Pleasure practices such as sex can help us get comfortable with being in the present moment while at the same time connecting to our bodies in a way that we often avoid. When we practice pleasure, we connect to our body’s needs and wants. We become in communication with our bodies, and in this way, we cultivate love for ourselves.
In a world where many of us are taught to perpetually dislike, alter, and question our bodies, this can be an incredibly healing process.
However, sex can also be a very activating landscape—especially for those of us who have experienced sexual trauma.
What gets in the way of sexual pleasure?
“The essence of trauma is disconnection from ourselves. Trauma is not terrible things that happen from the other side—those are traumatic. But the trauma is that very separation from the body and emotions.”
-Gabor Maté
Often, trauma can keep us from being able to experience sex fully. Traumatic sexual experiences can trigger a subconscious response that causes us to dissociate from our bodies. As a result, vulnerable experiences, such as sexual interactions, can immediately result in a mind-body disconnection.
One of the best ways to mend this mind-body relationship and create more space for pleasure is to work alongside a trauma-informed professional. They can help you unpack your trauma and help you create safe containers and practices for experiencing pleasure. At the same time, pleasure, in the form of embodiment practices such as sex, can help us start healing our relationship to ourselves and reconnect to our bodies and emotions.
Feeling worthy of pleasure
“Desire and self-worth go hand in hand. In order to want, we need to feel deserving” -Esther Perel
Another by-product of trauma is a feeling of unworthiness, which often manifests as feelings that we are unworthy of pleasure, rest, or joy. We may not even feel safe to desire sex due to previous traumas. That is totally normal.
“I want to encourage us to change the script: I deserve to take a break. I deserve to stop working. I deserve to lay down. I deserve to make myself feel good.” -Esther Perel
One of the most powerful ways to break through the mental block of unworthiness and unlock your deepest pleasure and embodiment is with cannabis.
Healing trauma with cannabis: A plant-assisted journey toward mindful pleasure
In recent years, the therapeutic use of cannabis has become more and more common, with research proving it to be a potent plant medicine for healing trauma, PTSD, depression, and anxiety. This is because, much like sex, cannabis has a very grounding effect that can take you out of your mind and more into your body.
Read more about psychedelic-assisted therapies such as cannabis journeys here.
I am honored to know and work alongside revolutionary practitioners who are sharing this transformative practice with the world.
Dee Dussault & Ganja Yoga
Berkley-based tantra coach, yogi, and best-selling author Dee Dussault is the founder of Ganja Yoga. A dear friend of mine, she is a pioneer and vocal advocate of cannabis-enhanced yoga practices. Dee advocates for the fusion of these two powerful embodiment medicines because of their potential in helping us access meditative and mindful states.
*With my friend Dee Dussault at the MAPS Psychedelic Science Conference
“On a personal level, cannabis helps me to disengage my brain from my task-lists and concerns, so I can more easily release the thoughts that distract me from my practice of mindfulness, movement, breathing, and meditation, all of which relax me further.”
– Dee Dussault
The combination of cannabis and yoga is an ancient practice used for over 5,000 years and cited in ancient texts. In the Vedas, cannabis is revered as a sacred plant that brings about happiness, inspiration, peace, and enlightenment. Today, practitioners such as Dee are helping us reconnect to this ancient medicine and the pleasure and embodiment, we can access through it.
Dee’s offerings include Romantic Partner Yoga, Sex Coaching, and Erotic Awakening Yoga for women, all of which combine the potent medicine of cannabis with movement to help individuals cultivate a pleasure practice for wellbeing.
Ashley Manta & CannaSexual®
“Cannabis can be used to enhance sensation, ease discomfort, and promote intimacy during solo or partnered play.” – Ashley Manta
Another incredible voice in the canna-pleasure sphere is Ashley Manta, an award-winning sex educator and coach. Ashley offers individuals and couples elite relational counseling and workshops to help them live their most empowered and embodied sex lives.
*With my friend Ashley during her visit to Oahu
She is widely known for coining the term CannaSexual®, or “deliberately combining sex and cannabis to deepen intimacy and enhance pleasure.”
"When I work with parents in my coaching practice, one of their most common areas of concern is struggling to shift out of parent-brain and into partner-brain, so it's not surprising that parents would use or gift cannabis for Valentine's Day…Parents are still people in a relationship, and the relationship has connection needs that benefit from intentional effort and prioritization." – Ashley Manta
Ashley believes that there are many ways to infuse cannabis into your pleasure practice without necessarily “getting high”. She advocates for the use of topical creams, balms, and other products that can be integrated for deeper states of pleasure embodiment.
Esther Perel
Acclaimed psychotherapist best-selling author of Mating in Captivity: Unlocking Erotic Intelligence, Esther Perel is one of the most prominent professionals advocating for pleasure as an integral part of a self-care and mental wellbeing. Throughout her experience as a therapist for couples and individuals, she has noticed the impact that eroticism, pleasure, and physical touch has on our relationships—both with ourselves and with others.
“Sex isn’t something we do, it’s a place we go inside ourselves, or with another or others.” – Esther Perel
However, Esther strongly advocates for an erotic practice as something beyond sex., as well. She believes in eroticism and pleasure as pathways towards growth and expansion:
“Eroticism is trying new things, going new places, making new friends. It’s also remembering the ancient things you’ve long forgotten.”
– Esther Perel
*With my respected colleague Esther at her Sessions Conference 2018
Trauma-informed therapy for a more mindful, pleasure-filled life
Healing trauma is one of the best ways to make pleasure more accessible to ourselves. The best way to go about this for trauma survivors is through trauma-informed therapy with a licensed practitioner. Because regardless of what we’ve been through, or where we’re going, we are all worthy of pleasure and joy. Luckily, we are alive in a time where there are countless resources available to us to help us tap into our most embodied selves.
And no matter what the world tries to tell you, remember: Pleasure is your birthright.